discipline.

Discipline from the Lord is never something that I dream about. Disappointing the One that created me doesn't bring me much happiness, and in all honesty, I do it quite often, you know, everyday. One thing that discipleship with Trish taught me was to be real. I hide my sin from others a lot less, because I've learned that pretending I don't struggle with sin is just ignorant. When I read in Romans, "For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out," I cringe. How stinking frustrating to live in this world...to live in a world that is wretched...to live in a world that was created perfectly..and be in a constant war. Sometimes, it gets weary and the word hopeless comes to mind for a moment. But then we get to chapter eight of romans and the Word says, "There is therefore no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." WOAH! I don't deserve it. I didn't deserve the most perfect and precious only son of God to come to this world and take away my ugly. I don't deserve to have my rebellion, disobedience, and all of my sin to be completely covered and given the name HOLY! This restored relationship is everything. The God of the universe made a way for me to be His daughter. He thought I was worth it. He loves me unconditionally. He loves me when I hit the snooze button in the morning instead of popping out of bed, bright-eyed and bushy tailed to study His word. He loves me when I am selfish. He loves me when I think more about my future than the work that He has given me now. He loves me, and I appreciate the discipline. Because He loves me, I'll appreciate that small voice in the quiet morning telling me to get over it and get up. I'll be responsible and study one of the best gifts He ever gave us. I'll stop thinking of myself, and sacrifice my wants. I'll do my best to follow His will, even if He has to kick me the whole way down this path. I'll forget my future because I'm responsible for today. I'm thankful for the Spirit...that lives inside of me (the same one that raised Jesus from the dead). I'm thankful for the discipline. I'll be responsible and live my life completely enslaved to Christ....because he has put his spirit in me, and named me daughter, an heir.(Rom8:12). His GLORY is worth it all. I will never suffer here as much Christ suffered for me there on that cross. So, though I may not understand my actions when the flesh appears, I will strive hard to glorify my Father...and I will gladly pray for discipline, that I may be more like my Jesus. 


I pray that I may have the wisdom of Mary when the Lord chooses to use me. "Behold, I am a servant of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word." Such submission is what I strive for.